The next instalment in the program to get my body into some sort of shape began today. Sally and Sheridan have left to go walking in South Australia so it's just me and Hazel from now on. Sheridan gave me the all clear that he thought I was fit enough, but I'm nowhere near as confident. Afterall, most of our walking has been on undulating tracks with little hill climbing. And when we climbed up from the river edge to the lookout on Tuesday I really felt it.
Knowing it's time to step up the pace I'd decided to add a third day to the regimen, which is Thursdays. And Thursdays will be all about climbing. And what can I climb in this height challenged town/state I live in? Why sand dunes of course.
A half hour walk from home are a bunch of sanddunes. They're pretty busy on the weekends with 4WD buggies, bikes and quads but nice and quiet mid week. Find a steep dune and walk up it, then walk down it, then do it again, and again, and again. And again!! Not sure Hazel knew what the hell was going on.
Buggered!! Explore a few more dunes, sit on a ridge and enjoy the view. Slide down a few more dunes then walk home. I needed that like a hole in the head!
Definitely not fit enough yet. Let's see how many times I can do that dune next week, double it to 10? And I'll take the camera next time, sorry, no piccies.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
My blog
Today I had a conversation with mum who told me not only was my blog boring but also self indulgent. Nothing like those close to you to stick the knife in!
Of course my blog is self indulgent, I told her, it's meant to be. Afterall it's about me and my travels, it just happens to be posted on a public forum so that my friends and family can follow what is going on in my life, rather than me having to ring or email them individually. Something I won't have the time or the inclination to do once I'm off on my adventure. Admittedly, other people I don't know might come across the blog, and so what? I've read some really interesting blogs of strangers that have both entertained and informed me. I hope that can be the case with my blog.
What hurt me the most was the disapproval of being self indulgent. One of the things that my bout with depression has taught me is that I actually feel guilty for indulging myself. Here I am with a great career, good income, ability to take time off and travel, and I feel so damn guilty!! For god's sake, I've put 10 years of my life into working in Aboriginal Health, I've put up with the physical and emotional hardship of travelling 2 weeks of every month out to remote communities and since I've stopped they are struggling to find anyone who will take up the baton. And I feel guilty!! No wonder I fell into the abyss.
Well I'm not going down that road anymore. I don't actually feel guilty any more for leaving my job. In a way I am angry that they took advantage of me, but I'm probably more angry at myself for letting them. I'm glad that they are at last realising and appreciating all the hard work I've been doing - even if it means clients get less service until they actually sort out the mess. No one person should be relied upon the way I was, something I was trying to communicate for some time before I pulled the pin. C'est la vie.
So now I'm learning to be indulgent. Not in a physical way - I already have lots of toys - but in an emotional way. I'm learning not to hide my feelings behind a wall of wit and sarcasm. I'm actually learning to be vulnerable.
And one way to do that is to write about my life and feelings. It's kind of liberating to just write things down and publish them into the ether. I trust my family and friends to love me for who I am so it isn't a threatening thing to do. And as for disapproval, tough titties!!
For the record, the aim of this blog is to let everyone know about my travels. Starting it early has allowed me to work out the teething problems involved in uploading pictures and writing blogs. But I also wanted to inform people about some of the decisions I am making in regards to travel plans, equipment, pre trip training etc, because if some stranger comes across my blog, some of that information might actually be helpful. Also, a trip always starts with the preparation, which is an exciting time and often something that friends and family enjoy being part of, so I wanted to share that. And finally, if someone out there who is also dealing with depression comes across my blog then maybe something I say can strike a chord with them and encourage them to seek help.
So indulge me!!!
Of course my blog is self indulgent, I told her, it's meant to be. Afterall it's about me and my travels, it just happens to be posted on a public forum so that my friends and family can follow what is going on in my life, rather than me having to ring or email them individually. Something I won't have the time or the inclination to do once I'm off on my adventure. Admittedly, other people I don't know might come across the blog, and so what? I've read some really interesting blogs of strangers that have both entertained and informed me. I hope that can be the case with my blog.
What hurt me the most was the disapproval of being self indulgent. One of the things that my bout with depression has taught me is that I actually feel guilty for indulging myself. Here I am with a great career, good income, ability to take time off and travel, and I feel so damn guilty!! For god's sake, I've put 10 years of my life into working in Aboriginal Health, I've put up with the physical and emotional hardship of travelling 2 weeks of every month out to remote communities and since I've stopped they are struggling to find anyone who will take up the baton. And I feel guilty!! No wonder I fell into the abyss.
Well I'm not going down that road anymore. I don't actually feel guilty any more for leaving my job. In a way I am angry that they took advantage of me, but I'm probably more angry at myself for letting them. I'm glad that they are at last realising and appreciating all the hard work I've been doing - even if it means clients get less service until they actually sort out the mess. No one person should be relied upon the way I was, something I was trying to communicate for some time before I pulled the pin. C'est la vie.
So now I'm learning to be indulgent. Not in a physical way - I already have lots of toys - but in an emotional way. I'm learning not to hide my feelings behind a wall of wit and sarcasm. I'm actually learning to be vulnerable.
And one way to do that is to write about my life and feelings. It's kind of liberating to just write things down and publish them into the ether. I trust my family and friends to love me for who I am so it isn't a threatening thing to do. And as for disapproval, tough titties!!
For the record, the aim of this blog is to let everyone know about my travels. Starting it early has allowed me to work out the teething problems involved in uploading pictures and writing blogs. But I also wanted to inform people about some of the decisions I am making in regards to travel plans, equipment, pre trip training etc, because if some stranger comes across my blog, some of that information might actually be helpful. Also, a trip always starts with the preparation, which is an exciting time and often something that friends and family enjoy being part of, so I wanted to share that. And finally, if someone out there who is also dealing with depression comes across my blog then maybe something I say can strike a chord with them and encourage them to seek help.
So indulge me!!!
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