Tuesday, October 7, 2014


I am struggling. I'm not really in a good place at the moment. It isn't helped by my coffee machine breaking down and me going through coffee withdrawal. I had some decaf in the freezer but that of course didn't help, so this arvo I bought a cheap coffee bean grinder and I'm back loading up with caffeine again so the headache should start to recede soon.

No, my struggle is work. I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed again, beginning to find dealing with annoying persistent colleagues just too hard. I'm doing jobs I'm not really paid to do and although I don't feel under appreciated like I did before, I am resenting having no support.

I don't think work is the cause, it's just that I can feel some of my anxiety symptoms returning and I know I have to do something about it. I think the recent stress over selling my investment property may have been a trigger, and not getting my big social fix of fun and friends in Wanaka this year may also have contributed. I'm not very sociable here in Gero, it's always such an effort to head into town in the evening to overspend at venues, so I don't. Plus, after 3 days of continuous interaction at work, the introvert in me needs solitary confinement!

I also attended a course on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on the weekend, and offered myself up as a guinea pig to help demonstrate a technique called EMDR. I was warned that there might be repercussions and that I may need further treatment. I was working on my inability to climb ladders after my accident 25 years ago when I almost died. Apparently what your brain does during EMDR isn't fully understood, but it was suggested I do a bit more meditation in the next 2 weeks and if concerned, seek professional help. Yeah, scary hey??

So it is possible that my emotional state at present is due to the shit going on in my head.

Or that I'm seriously addicted to caffeine.

I'll just finish this cup of coffee then go hit the yoga room....

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