Thursday, March 22, 2012

A hacker's reply

Hazel here.

Yeah, the one and only! That's my photo on the side there, not hers. And she thinks it's her blog! Hrmph!!

She left the computer on and I've just had a look at what she's been saying about me. I knew there was something going on, you know these things when you're a dog, but they don't always tell you do they?

Like when she went away for six months a few years ago. I mean she gets this other girl, nice she was too, to come and stay, start being all nice to me, take me for walks along the beach, get into my good books you know? But I didn't come down in the last shower did I? I saw the bags being packed, I saw what was going on. So I decided I wasn't going to go for walks with this new girl, didn't matter if she put me on a lead, I wasn't letting mum out of my sight. No way!! So what does mum do? Tricks me doesn't she? Lets me come on a trip in the car: her, me and the new girl. There's even some bags in the car, so I think we're dropping off the nice girl at the airport. Mum goes with her to see her off.....

Yeah that's right, the new girl comes back and mum disappears out of my life. I was pissed off, big time. I mean I'm pretty smart, but she sure put one over me that time. And then mum doesn't come back, not like her usual holidays where sometimes she's away for a month or so, but for six whole months, nada! Now I'm a dog, so that's like three and a half years right?

The girl was really nice, she took me everywhere, spoilt me rotten, but she just wasn't mum. You really get attached to your humans after a while, I mean Naomi's been there for me ever since I left my real mum when I was 8 weeks old. We go back a long way. And boy have we had some awesome times: driving round Australia, camping in some choice places, chasing kangaroos and rabbits (and sometimes sheep but don't tell mum!), even didn't mind some of those little aeroplane rides out to play with the Aboriginal kids. But some of those dogs out on the communities - man they've got a tough life..

I thought something bad had happened to mum, and I wasn't going to see her again, so I got pretty sad for a while there, and then when mum came back it took me a few months to get used to things again. I still get a bit upset when strangers come to stay, just in case they're like that girl and they're going to do another swap with mum.

So I've been keeping my eyes and ears peeled, which is a hard job these days now that I'm going deaf, and since mum didn't know I could read and write I snuck on the blog, hacked into the Facebook page, and just generally did a bit of cyber spying on what she's up to. And I wasn't too happy with what I found either....

If she thinks she can just swan off again for six months and leave me, she's got another think coming!! And if she thinks I'm ready for the green dream - yeah us dogs all know about that, we do talk amongst ourselves you know. What do you reckon all that barking in the neighbourhood's about, how else do you think we can share the gossip if our humans lock us up behind gates and fences?? We're social animals for god's sake! And then I saw the exit clause: "not if she's hale and hearty" and I knew just what I've got to do...

Cuppla weeks ago we had a friend of mine stay. Her name's Tassie, and she's a bit older than me and oh my god she's slow. She couldn't get up even one of the stairs at home, so she had to stay downstairs. I didn't mind too much, but mum seems to think that if I get that bad then it's time to say goodbye. I can sort of see mum's point, coz it was a little lonely for Tassie down there, though I did go and sit with her a few times. But mostly she just slept, even more than I do!!!

So I thought I better show mum just how hale and hearty I am. I'm springing up and down those stairs, prancing along at the beach, really showing her there's lots of life left in this old dog thank you very much. OK, I did fall down the stairs the other day right in front of mum, but she was pretty good about it, and didn't laugh, and helped me up again, but mostly I'm on top of it.

I think it's working. Sure I don't mind if she goes off on another ski trip. She always comes back from them all happy and relaxed, and no way I'm going near a cold place again! My god, that year mum took me to Canberra? I'm from the Northern Territory for god's sake, I had to sleep under the doona with mum just to keep from freezing my tail off!!

Mum's starting to talk about a trip to Gnarloo when she gets back from skiing. I reckon that's an awesome idea. You've gotta go there to see this place, it's just gorgeous. There's these big cliffs looking over the sea, this great beach with a really nice lagoon that doesn't have those waves crashing in - I don't like waves much, even if mum does! So I can go swimming in this really nice warm water, and when mum goes up to the windsurfing spot I can hang out with the other people and eat their sandwiches. They always give me food when I go and sit quietly next to them and give them my special look. Like putty.....

So it's looking good, and yeah, I'm gonna prove mum wrong and by damn I'm going to make it to 16!! So what if I'm in a little pain, as long as I stay hale and hearty hey??


  1. awww I love Hazel and I have never even met her. She has the best mum and life a dog could ever have...can't wait to hear more of Hazel's adventures XO

  2. thanks Ann, mum says you're pretty cool too, I'd love to go for a ride on your motorbike one day.

  3. Hazel, I hope you hack your mum's account more often and tell us all about your adventures. Most of all, I hope you stay hale and hearty for a long, long time.

  4. Sure will Martha, she leaves me at home by myself quite a lot, I don't sleep ALL the time you know....