Saturday, February 14, 2009

Dancing midgets anyone?

In Bangkok just about anything goes. Soi Cowbow is an alley off Sukhimvit Road where a whole lot of girlie bars are. Scantily clad women grope at men as they walk past, and if you venture inside you get to see half naked women dancing distractedly around poles on a raised dance floor. Apparently men enjoy this...

I went for a girls night out with a Kiwi lass I'd met in Vientiane. She's one of a legion of English teachers in Thailand where your only qualification is a one month certificate in ESL and an ability to speak English. Many non-native English speakers also teach it, go figure! I've heard the pay is low, but it's good enough to live on in a cheap place like Thailand. Anyway, my friend has been teaching kindergarten kids for four years, and apparently it's a doddle.

I'd found this lass just a little out there, so I wasn't keen for a big night out, but Warren had tagged along and after a few beers we headed off to another bar to meet two of her friends. Now my friend was awfully straight compared with these two girls, they were total psychos!!

The first was an American lady in her late fourties, with 5 grandchildren and a serious drug habit that apparently she had recovered from. She confided in me that she would love to be one of those girls up on stage dancing half naked, and she did have the body for it too, lucky girl. So I encouraged her in acting out her fantasy, joining her on the dance floor, fully clothed I might assure you, whilst I helped my friend get over her inhibitions regarding exposing her body to a crass market in a girly bar. They were drinking more than me, but I do hope it helped her self esteem a little....

Meanwhile, our large busted English friend was explaining her business proposition, and the reason we were in this particular girlie bar in the first place. "Double F" was in the "security" business, having recently settled in Bangkok after six years travelling the world. There was a dark past involving an ex-husband and domestic violence, but she'd done well financially out of the divorce and now had a bit of money to spend.

Apparently the upstairs premises of most of these bars are empty - seems not everyone finds watching these girls gyrate all that sexy - so my new friend came up with a brilliant idea. A one off!! Indeed it is...

Advertise for midgets (note we are already using a derogatory term for "small people") who would like to work in a bar and do all that dancing shit. Oh, and there'll be a cage in one corner with a couple of midgets in there so we can really enjoy them like a zoo exhibit. They can dance on the tables without any OH&S issues regarding the ceiling, I mean it's brilliant!!!

My questions regarding exploitation were knocked down in flames. Apparently this is about respect, it's a unique opportunity for midgets to strut their stuff and be proud of their little bodies. And there's free health insurance thrown in as well. And they only have to dance and take their clothes off if they want to - of course they'll get more money if they do...

I didn't broach the subject of just who the target audience for this show was going to be. I'm not sure the average hot blooded male on a twirl through the go-go bars is going to find dancing midgets sexually attractive. Seems to me it's more a freak show, which is hardly about empowerment is it?

It was now 4am. We'd discussed the midget go-go girls, we'd got the grannie down to her bra and nickers, and we'd laughed silly on happy gas supplied by the bar owner, my friend's business partner. There was an offer to do a few lines of coke back at someone's flat, but it was time for me to call it a night and get out of The Twilight Zone!!

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